All the feels this morning.

This morning I worked on organizing the kids stuff that we’ve been accumulating since birth. You know, the hospital bracelets, cards, footprints, locks of hair, tiny onesies, and a hundred drawings by chubby little hands. And obviously I’ve just been choking back tears the entire time. Because WHY do kids grow up so fast? It’s so upsetting! And why don’t we realize how fast it will go when we’re dragging our sleepless bodies through the seemingly endless days of constantly breastfeeding, changing diapers, and doing mounds of tiny laundry? When we just wish it would hurry up so we could have a sliver of personal space  back? Why do we do that? I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had known. I know you told me. I know everyone else told me too. But I still wished it would hurry up sometimes. And now I just wish I could go back. Go back and hold those tiny bodies on my chest, wipe that spit up off of both of our shirts, and pace around bouncing a tightly swaddled cranky baby, just whispering over and over how much I love them, even if I was crying about how tired I was at the same time.

But I can’t go back, so I’ll need to keep reminding myself that they’re still so little, and that one day I’ll look back on my ten year old and choke back tears thinking about what a sweet boy he was, and how I loved watching him wear the same jeans and t-shirt every single day for two solid years, how he didn’t care what anyone thought about him as he just went about being a happy and innocent kid. So I’ll slow down, I’ll hold them all tight, I’ll remember their current little-ness, and treasure it.

Parenting is basically the worst best thing ever.

Anyway the original reason I decided to open the laptop and blog after another month-long hiatus is not because I intended to turn into a mushy tear-stained mess but because, while rooting through all that stuff, I found Ben’s baby calendar. I read through the whole thing, and wow, it is incredible to see how that personality of his that we see now- how we could see it way back then. How amazing is that? One of my favorite parts of the calendar was reading the blurb on the back, where I just scribbled some random notes about Ben. I wrote that one of his first words was bike, and that he loved skateboards and bikes so much. And I find it so neat how this still holds true! He still loves skateboards and bikes and is currently working on saving up $300 to buy a mini BMX bike he’s been eyeing up for the last six months.

There’s no picture to go with this post but I just wanted to get my emotional thoughts out of my head and onto “paper”. Motherhood is obviously my favorite thing ever and the biggest gift I’ve ever been given, and I’m incredibly thankful for my children and the abundant love that comes with them.

ps I actually devised the most genius, space saving, COST EFFECTIVE system for storing ALL THAT STUFF and I WILL share it with you because you need to know!! Expect the post somewhere in the next one-27 months.

2 thoughts on “All the feels this morning.

  1. Patrick Hennan says:

    That was a really good post! After I finished I told mom, “I should tell her to just throw all that stuff out”. She laughed because she knew exactly what I meant. It’s funny how raising children changes your sentimentality factor. I was always kind of sorry you didn’t want me to keep your music/jewelery box, because I thought it would be special to some day pass it on to your own daughter if you had one. Having said that, does Ivy have one (like a ballerina music box)? Maybe her grampa should get her one. 🙂

  2. Nikki says:

    She doesn’t have one and I’m sure she would love one!! Yes, kids definitely make you more sentimental but I still don’t keep much stuff- I’m very choose-y about what is worth keeping!! I’m sure I’ll regret throwing some things out…. but at this point I’m ok with it. 🙂

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